Alone V. Lonely

Are you ever quiet for so long that your throat doesn’t work, so when you speak, your voice is someone else’s? Like an old film noir or a sepia photograph or reading a letter aloud?

Are you ever surrounded by so many people that you long for the sound of the breath in your lungs, and the freshly made sheets that you tucked inside the silence of your mattress?

Do the muscles in your face ever hurt from smiling, being still, or grinding your teeth while tapping the time?

Do you ever fall in love over the course of a sentence, or hear a song that feels like the tip of a needle?

Do you ever trace the small of your stomach with fingertips that slide into hips like mountains?

Do you ever wake up in the middle of the night and feel shocked and amazed that you’re whole? That memories and bones and thoughts about  train tracks  all fit in one bed?

I used to fear so many things, like going crazy or speaking too loud or too soft.

I used to stare into mirrors without seeing blue eyes with specks of green and gold and light dancing, unsure where to rest.

I used to want to save the world alone like Superman. But now I just want to smile at no one. Now I just want to type words into vacuums, breathe deeply and sip and stare and sigh.  I want to hold someone’s hand and feel warm in the winter and change the world in inches and waves and whispers. I want to remain unafraid of the skyline. Unafraid of the enigma that is love.